Thursday, December 06, 2018

above your station

"Bear up, Paddington", said Mrs Brown. "Why the down face?".
"It's family again, Mrs Brown. Aunt Lucy wrote that my cousins want to come and stay".
"what could be so wrong about that, Paddington? I mean it's not as if they're wild animals, is it?"
"No, Mrs Brown, but they are all rather odd".
"Tell us about them, Paddington", asked Mrs Bird, who had just come in from changing the oil in the land rover.
"well, I'm not wild about them - there's cousin Victoria - she isn't too bad, so long as she's not enamoured of another female bear. Then there's cousin Teddy, who used to be called Mary-le-bone, but underwent endangered species re-assignment surgery, as she was so bullied about her name, and was thoroughly stuffed. Last of all, there's cousin Euston, who claims he's neither one thing nor another, but is a bear-faced liar - a case for a good hard stare, if ever I met one".
"oh dear" said Mr Brown. "But perhaps they will all be fine after a good marmalade sandwich or two?".
"No" retorted Paddington. "That's just it. Victoria hates marmalade - won't eat anything but sponge. And Mary, I mean Teddy, has given up eating altogether. And Euston just gets in one jam after another. I live in despair".
"but can we bring them to school" cried Judy and Jonathan. "It's not every family that has a sleuth of lgbt bears at home!"
"paddington's not gay" cried Mrs Brown, but Paddington was already blushing to the edge of his hat.
"political correctness gone mad" muttered Mr Curry, who had his ear to a cup against the party wall and had overheard everything.

to be discontinued...